Weight on the Lord

Like many of us in the world, I have an issue with my weight. Whether underweight or overweight, getting to an ideal size is hard. And though it’s hard to believe, those who suffer from being underweight struggle just as much as their sisters with the opposite problem. Clothes are hard to find, health is affected and self image is troubling.

In my case, digestive issues caused a gradual, but massive weight loss several years back. Now it’s to a point where it’s medically unwise to remain this size. Attempts to gain weight bring on the symptoms that got me here in the first place. I have felt stuck.

Over the holidays I ate many foods I don’t normally eat. Nothing over the top for a normal diet, but my typical diet is not normal. It made me happy to realize I put on a few pounds and the symptoms of “cheating” seemed mild and short lived, so I continued.

But apparently I crossed a threshold. In January suddenly I could not eat anything at all without having severe symptoms that made me fearful. So the choice became to either eat so minimally I lost more weight, or eat enough and face possible serious consequences. Fear took over. Fussing took over. I didn’t know what to do.

In case you’re wondering. Yes. I have sought medical help from a variety of doctors and specialists. I can get temporary relief of symptoms, but nothing that helps the underlying cause., so flareups happen. In this case, it flared unrelentingly. Yes. I did take the meds they offered (which you take short term) and they helped some, but I still had symptoms, just less severe.

I finally felt so deprived with all I had cut out of my diet to bring relief, I bought a couple things I knew would trigger symptoms and ate them anyway. I clung on to them unwilling to give them up again. (I mean we are getting basic here. I had wheat and dairy.)

Prayer

When I finally asked my friends for prayer, God intervened. First. He took away the fear my food choices would cause irreversible health damage. Even if it does eventually cause damage, the fear is gone. How? How does one ever explain God and the way He moves within us? One way He addressed the fear was to remind me that in this past season He has proved Himself trustworthy in other difficult things. So, even in this, I could trust Him for my future. (Some day I’ll write more about that period of time.)

Here’s the most exciting part. Two weeks ago I sensed God saying He wanted to show me meal by meal what to eat. It would be like a joyful dance where He led and I followed. I sensed it was about more than this food issue. It was about hearing Him and responding to His voice in all areas of my life.

I agreed, but asked if I could take a couple days to finish off my Cream of Wheat and yogurt rather than throw them away. So I did. And inexplicably, at the end of that time I no longer craved those foods. I feel joy as I approach eat meal and feel a certainty about what it should contain. I don’t feel deprived over what I am not eating, just grateful that what I am eating makes me feel so good.

Two weeks in I have to tell you while the symptoms are not completely gone, but improve each day. I feel better than I have in five months. I didn’t get here overnight and I won’t get out of it overnight. He’s not choosing a miraculous healing, He’s choosing miraculous hearing.

The Takeaway isn’t a Formula for solutions

The takeaway is He desires us to dance with him, to sing in harmony with Him, so we can learn to recognize His voice. It’s surrendering to the realization He really does know best. And when we hear His voice He guides us into what will bring life to us and honor to Him as we praise Him. You know, there are lots of different dances out there; waltz, ballet, jazz, flamingo, modern. Everybody’s may look unique. I wonder what your dance looks like.

I’d love to hear from you on the comment page.