I Feel like a Failure

I can’t believe I made such a stupid mistake. I am such a failure. I can’t do anything right. I should just give up. I bet everyone around me agrees. The thoughts and feelings are so real they must be true.

I always thought so until I became friends with Mary and Jane, the kind of women who seem to have it all together, yet they felt like total failures. And I began to wonder… They are pretty, vivacious, outgoing, talented, skillful, good sense of humor. They have successful jobs and beautifully decorated homes. People admire them. But even THEY feel like a failure?

In fact, over the years nearly every woman I have heard share openly has said, “I feel like such a failure.” A variety of reasons are quoted as the certain evidence of failure:

• I can’t keep up with everything I need to do, but others seem to. ( a top one)
• I yelled at my children. Good moms don’t do that.
• I am not very good at my job.
• I am ugly.
• I made an appointment to meet a friend, and forgot to go.
• I don’t dress as well as everyone else.
• I don’t cook as well as others.
• My hair is too flat.
• My hair is too full.
• My house is not clean enough.
• I forgot my friend’s birthday, and she always remembers mine
• I didn’t get the laundry done and my husband had no clean socks
• And so on

Some people don’t give a reason. It just seems obvious that it’s true.

The words at the top reflect a recent incident when those thoughts invaded my mind with a vengeance and such a feeling of truth that I just wanted to run away from it all. BUT, because of the grace of God the feelings were short-lived. God has given us tools to fight the accusing thoughts in our heads that try to incapacitate us. You’ve probably even heard most of them. I don’t know about you, but I sometimes need reminders, so here they are:

• What is the source of the thoughts? What is the truth? (see the post Telling Truth from Lies) Usually our perception in the moment of crisis is not accurate. So, figure out what is really true. Did you really fail? Or did make a mistake like all of us do. What is God speaking and what is our enemy speaking?
• Grace. Give yourself grace to make a mistake. God does. The Bible is full of verses that speak of His grace. Check out the book of Ephesians. Maybe even circle every time you see the word grace and check it out. Check here next week for a post on grace.
• In as much as it depends on you, make sure your plate is not too full. If you have no control over an over-full plate, ask God for relief, or help.
• Be willing to ask for help if there is someone you can ask. My friend once asked me to come and help her with her vacuuming. She was having a Christmas party and had just run out of time to do it all. I was honored to have been asked.
• In as much as it is possible, get enough rest. I know that is often impossible when you have very young children. But watch for opportunities to sneak a bit of extra rest when you can.
• Let go of the idea you have to be perfect. My daughter’s response when I would stress over the house not being clean when she had friends over? “Mom, they don’t care about the house. They care that you love them and that they can come.” Is that not really true of our friends also? Do you think your friend is a failure if you go to her house and it is dirty? Or do you just appreciate her friendship? I am often relieved if I go somewhere and it’s messy, because it lets me know I don’t have to be perfect.

One of the most successful tactics of Satan is to make us feel like a failure. He wouldn’t keep using a strategy that didn’t work. So, today, fool him. Fight back. I love my friend’s words, “Yes, that’s true, I failed in this situation, but that makes me a perfect candidate for the forgiveness of Jesus.”