Fear

As a guest teacher in our adult Sunday school I asked the class what they feared. The results astounded me. Though the class was small, 80% responded that they feared rejection. (The others feared pain and spiders.)

It fits, doesn’t it? We want someone to delight in us, to enjoy us. Being rejected is just the opposite of that deep desire, yea need.

The implications of fearing rejection are far reaching. Here’s how the Sunday school comments went:

• “I don’t initiate conversations with others because I figure they won’t want to talk to me.”
• “I don’t invite others to my house for dinner because I am afraid they won’t want to and will say no.”
• “I don’t invite others to go to coffee with me because I am afraid they will reject me.”

The problem is pretty obvious, isn’t it? If EVERYONE or nearly everyone is so afraid of being rejected, no one is making the first move to initiate a friendship. Since no one is reaching out to initiate friendships the lie in everyone’s mind is reinforced. “See, no one invites me anywhere. That proves no one likes me.” And we remain lonely and isolated.

Years ago I wanted to get to know a woman at my church that I knew only casually. She always warmly received my attempts at conversation, but never reciprocated them, thus I believed she was not interested in friendship with me.

Sunday after Sunday I felt impressed by God to talk to her, or invite her to sit with me, or ask if I could pray for her. Sunday after Sunday I thought God; it’s obvious she isn’t interested. She is gorgeous. She is successful in her career. Everybody loves her because she’s so sweet. She is confident. Obviously she has so many friends already she doesn’t need another, especially not me, who she probably views as a bore. And I wanted to say no to God.

Because the impression from God remained so strong I continued to visit, invite, and pray, guarding my heart somewhat as I did. Finally a common prayer need prompted us to set up a weekly prayer time together for a season. During that season she shared how she always wanted to visit with me or pray with me, but had such seizing fear of rejection that she could not offer. “You always seemed so confident, like you had it all together. I couldn’t believe you’d want to be friends with a loser like me.”

She is now one of my closest friends. If I had not listened to God, against the logic of my own mind, I would have missed out on one of the most impacting friendships of my life.

Mind- boggling. We both heard a voice that spoke lies instead of truth. Interesting that we both heard the same lie, which is the same one voiced in the Sunday School class. Hooray for God that He persevered until the lies were exposed and our friendship was forged.

I’d like to say I always reach out to others. However, that’s not true. Too often fear still holds me back. Recently I have started praying, “Lord, I confess to You that fear still stops me from reaching out to those You love. Break the fear and fill me instead with Your courage. Remind me that we all need to know someone cares. Thanks, Jesus. Amen.” See other fears